Sunday, June 07, 2009

For no one

Ever since Sunday nights in Ann Arbor, I have used this solemn day of the week for introspection and quiet reflection. I go off by myself, in body, in spirit, in mind. This then is the place I reflect upon myself, adding up my personal wins and losses from the past and trying to extrapolate into the future. Music has always been a large part of the process, a song I heard that lingers, or lyrics that pierce through the armor and secrecy of my soul.

Whether alone or with a romantic interest at the time, Sunday nights fell hard with memories, aspirations, loss and heartbreak. Ann Arbor was 40 years ago, everything else is from then through to today. I wrote a paper in English 101, the fall of 1967, The subject was, "Describe a place in Ann Arbor." My paper was titled, "The Streets of Ann Arbor." It was there I spent my Sunday nights, there that I wandered alone, watching couples hand in hand, eating together in cafes or having picnics on the grounds of the quad. I wrote about where I was, not geographically, but where these scenes took me through journeys inside.

Here again is another Sunday night, this time June of 2009. I am no longer a naive student, full of expectation, full of idealism, full of hope and anticipation for what comes next. No, I am now a middle-aged man, full of regret, remorse, cynicism and despair, the fruits of circumstances born of my decisions, so right at the time, so wrong in the results.

The only constant through it all: Tomorrow. Just as then, tomorrow will follow the next spectacular sunrise. We will make of it what we will. So a question is born, what will be made of tomorrow? To which the ultimate question follows: Just what do we have left?


A



10 comments:

The Sound Center said...

I like the French horn solo on the original Revolver recording.

TNX futures at 3.90.

Anonymous said...

Allan I am a senior in college right now. I have learned many things about trading from your blog but also believe you have many lessons about life you could impart. I sense a lot of pain based on prior decisions you have made. I know this is very personal but could you expand a bit more on this post and maybe give some guidance to young guy like me before I make bad decisions.

thanks,
Clint

Allan said...

Clint: Have you read, "Catcher in the Rye"? Do you know what it means to reach for the brass ring? There are dangers. You can fall off the horse, the cliff, with no one there to catch you. Yet, there is no way to reach for the brass ring without the risk of falling.

Is it worth the risk? One day long ago while riding the carousel we call life, to my amazement, I snatched the ring. It was then I knew that falling pales in comparison to to that time where I shined along with that ring. Then I fell.....and I fell hard.

Would I do it again?

In an instant.

Anonymous said...

Allan,

Any updates for AUY...are u still holding it.
Also will appreciate, any views on KPPC should one buy it above $5.

Niks

Allan said...

Re: AUY

There is no right or wrong answer without more information. A "trader" would be out today while an "investor" would be in still, what are your rules? (Asking me what to do IS NOT A RULE).

Bob said...

In the secular realm of thoughts and ideas, politcal correctness is a cancer. In the realm of the spirit or psyche cynicism is the cancer.

I reached for that brass ring and missed.

Had to do it though, it was in my nature. But the fall is indeed hard.

Anonymous said...

What was the inflection point on the S&P to go short?

Roger Austin said...

I just finished reading For Whom The Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway. Although there are many dark themes in the story, there is a love between a man and a woman that blooms and lives in the span of three days. Two become one in body and spirit. They experience "La Gloria". And the love never dies because they live in and for each other...even when alone...even when separated by death. What they have together cannot be lost.

Cynicism is my nemesis too. It intrudes daily in my life. And everyday I tell it to take a rain check.

When one has tasted La Gloria, nothing less is satisfying. It transcends sex. The ground moves. We are connected. This is not mysticism. This is reality.

We were made for La Gloria.

munsterk said...

Allan,
I have been following your thinking for a while. Not in a dedicated way, but every other day I'd check in - to test what I think myself and learn from there.
I'm 43, spent the last 18 years of my life thinking a company would somehow fulfill my needs. Until they shut the doors on my. I have a new job, 4 healthy kids, a big debt [but one I'm managing] and a hunger to take control of my financial future, with the help of my trading account. So I'm trading my redundancy package. I thought your post Sunday was deep. If there was anyway I could help tease out some positives for you I'd like to help. I, too , love music and my kids are showing that also. Music for me, is the 'religion' but without the killing.... so many have lost their lives over religion.

anyway, take care of yourself. I hope it doesn't sound too false, but my impression is that you are a great guy! Play on!

Eamonn. Ireland

Ariel said...

Nice. Very nice.

And I almost went to school in Ann Arbor, almost 30 years ago ....

Maybe many of us harbor a bit of our own Ann Arbor :)

Thanks for sharing.