Saturday, December 30, 2006

How Much Does This Hurt?

It's 8:00am on Saturday and I am about to leave for my daughter's final tournament basketball game in downtown Charleston. This is the reason for my two week trip, and it has been worth every effort to see Alana mature into her team's best player, her team's leader and inspiration. Maybe I had some part in it, many years ago.

But these two weeks have also served to remind me how much damage I had done by leaving them a couple years ago. It's invisible, silent, beneath the faces of my two daughters, now young women, the change I missed when another calling took me away.

No regrets, no tears good-bye.

Maybe everything works out for the best in the end. For everything lost, something is gained. But sitting by myself last night, alone with all the memories, doubts, and love, with the sound of the Atlantic off in the distance, my only thought was,

How much does this hurt?



Anonymous said...

Man, I feel the pain. I have taken the other road, staying in a loveless marriage just cuz the thought of leaving my kids seems worse. As I recall, you left for a new love. I've thought that if this happened to me maybe I'd do the same... But frankly, what the hell does it matter? Kids won't understand if you leave for love or for principle.

In the meantime, I try to keep up the good attitude and pray!

I'm so hosed...


Anonymous said...

A view from my experiences not too distant from Allan's and Tom's but not the same either...

It's a tired but practical statement to say you reap what you sow. My interpretation and practice go to extra lengths to be warm, smiles, project a happy and very generous demenor. As first born with three younger siblings and also a product of a latch key home I turned out to be keenly aware that girls of all ages are very body English / non-verbal sensitive. I found that genereousity beyond reason gets reconized and word spreads. My mother in-law is very helpful when the typical disagreement comes up with my wife. :) I let nature and good will take it's course, and giving to everyone be my reputation. Daughters and wives eventually take notice and alot can be forgiven when it's a good and giving person who's needing the space for what we end up doing...

Love and peace in all families and nations.


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Anonymous said...


As another father of young daughters, I hear you. I often joke (half-joke) that I don't want to be around when they get are very perceptive... I worry about them everyday despite trying to provide them with as much as possible.

Keep the family stories coming...and Happy New Year!