Monday, April 30, 2012

Customer Service

Why is it that every time you call customer service for any product or service you are immediately solicited with a "brief" questionnaire about, "how we did?" I guess because no is bothering to answer these annoyance infringements on our time, they have changed tactics. Here is the newer, better, solicitation for our opinions of, "how we did?"


Dear Allan:

Thank you for contacting [name omitted because I don't want anyone to get hurt] Service and Support Department. Our records indicate that [let's just call him John Smith] was the primary representative who assisted you. Because providing excellent customer service is our prime objective, we would greatly appreciate it if you took a few moments to rate your experience with [XXX] and,in particular, John Smith.

Please click on the link shown below to complete the short list of questions. It's that easy, and, with only a few moments of your time, you'll be helping us provide the absolute best service possible. Please also note that John has a wife and two small children. Your refusal to participate in this survey will be interpreted as a failure of John to do his job and will result in his immediate dismissal from employment. His accounts will be frozen and his children removed from their home, becoming wards of the state. In addition, his wife Marie will be shipped to a Chinese shoe factory and John will be forced to move back in with his elderly parents, one of whom, your choice, will be shot.

Thank you for your time and assistance in this matter.

2 comments:

Noreen Clay said...

It’s a way to make sure that their employees are treating their customers right. Since successful business hinges greatly on the customers and their decision to keep patronizing a business, they want to make sure that the customers have a reason to come back. One of those reasons would hopefully be great customer relations.

Allan said...

Noreen, that's exactly my point. They always start out with "this call may be monitored for quality control purposes." Just do it and leave me out of it.