Laying here awake

Laying here awake, I do nothing but think about you. 

I wonder if you have found some peace without me. 

I think of everything we did, said and felt across our time together. 

Yes, I am still your friend.  I am all that we ever were or meant to each other. 

I am your lover and everlasting companion. 

Those anchors do not go away or disappear, they are forged into our hearts, into our souls.  The words said in anger, in hurt, are just pain without meaning, without truth. 

Do not leave my life thinking I was anything less then the man you once loved.

Leave that memory alone and I will be at peace.

I am alone with my thoughts, where I need to be right now.

Laying here awake, I do nothing but think about you.

Epilogue

Forever Young

As these past few blogs have described, I spent this special week with my daughters. What greater gift then the enduring, eternal love between parent and child? Words can't say enough, unless you're Dylan.

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young

On to Columbia

Wednesday night in Columbia, home of the University of South Carolina. My baby daughter is a senior now, with a boyfriend and we three shared sushi and sake tonight. Another man assuming my role as caretaker and confidant? Same as it ever was. My thoughts drift back to the desert, where I wonder what and/or who is left to fly back to? It's an all of nothing world back there, same as it ever was. 24 hours and I'm back in Charleston, counting the seconds before the flight takes me away from the most precious treasures of my life. Same as it ever was.

Shem Creek

My daughter turned 23 this week. We celebrated with hamburgers at Folly Beach. The next night her friends took her out to Red's at Shem Creek. We ate Oyster Po-Boys and everyone got to meet Sarah's Dad. But the most memorable, touching moment came when one of the girls quieted everyone down and said a prayer. Among other things, she thanked God for bringing Sarah into our lives. Those were warm and glowing words. I felt part of some grand scheme and that my place in this world was exactly right. That all I had done was done under guidance and for a purpose. We get glimpses of that purpose throughout our lives, but sometimes it passes by so softly that we miss it, a subtle clue that leads us to closure, to understanding, to that elusive peace with ourselves. But last night, at Shem Creek, I got it.

Low country sunset

I've never forgotten how beautiful a low country sunset can be. (One reason might be that this one is my background screen shot on my iPhone.) There isn't a day that goes by that I am not reminded of the pristine beauty that graces this quiet, hidden place, just waiting to be savored, then nurtured in a memory. Long after these eyes go dark, the infinite beauty of the marshes, shores, the 10,000 year old maritime forest, the egrets and the herons and the majesty of a pounding, exquisite thunderstorm pushing out over the sea and the short time I was a part of its grand scheme, will remain.

Tucked somewhere inside its memory will be the very special time I was here, along with the love shared between us. This will always be my home.

On the road

Charleston, S.C.

I'm going back to Charleston next week.  I'll find my two daughters, now women in their own right along with my ex-wife and Clare, the Bichon that was as much apart of our family as any one of us. We have gone through the past few years apart, only because one day back then I went out to find something and never came home. Everything changed that day.  The journey that followed was not just my journey, it was a new path for all of us, a path alone, whether any one of us were looking for it or not. For a week or so, I'm coming home.

I've written about Kiawah before. It's where the four of us, the five of us, went through ten perfect years, through the year 2000 centennial, with all of its unknowns, the mysteries of what was to follow.  Not one of us knew what was coming for our family. Four years later the rains came.

It was about that time, the turn of the century, that a local South Carolina band provided the sound track for those years.  That's where I am going next week.  Into the depths of a of another time, another place, of this musical memory, never more appreciated as much as it is now. Who knows where the time goes? Who knows how to get it back?

Song of a Lifetime

I've posted a lot of songs over the seven years of this blog.  When I heard this one, I knew it was without a doubt, the song of a lifetime.  If you think you have heard it before, you haven't. Please allow yourself to listen to the entire song, full screen, you will be well rewarded, especially toward the end.

A